Finding Center by Tom Berke
Last spring at Sun & Moon Studio, Rodney Yee spoke of finding "center." Well, I think I may have found it. I was in sirsasana (headstand). I went through the body scan routine: release my groins, float my pubis back, release my sacrum, release my stomach muscles (watch the sternum float up, releasing neck, aligning shoulders), soften my lower ribs back, be sure my jaw is released (sternum won't move otherwise)....There are so many intricacies, so many interdependencies.
When I was asked to put the soles of my feet together in a baddha-konasana-like variation in sirsasana, I noticed that I didn't feel my legs moving. Their incredible lightness allowed them to move on their own, directed only by my thoughts. This is the magic. Is this what yoga is all about?
Centered in sirsasana. Scary. When I am out of center, I am gripping to hold myself up. There is security in that. The gripping gives me the illusion of control over my destiny. In center, there is no support. There is just release. But the release (the balance) is not steady. There is constant movement as my body floats in suspended animation. It is an insecure feeling. I have to release my mind from fear. I have to just be there.
Everything affects everything else. I cannot take any part of my body for granted in the asanas. All have to be released. All have to be aligned. Alignment through effort breaks the cycle. Breath becomes hard. Areas of the body are gripped. That's not yoga!
How do I release through the body scan and still retain the relaxation? I bring my attention to a body part and breathe. I watch and wait. The body aligns itself. I am really doing nothing. The body scan is a meditation.
Tadasana (mountain pose) is a good pose to practice this. I aim to use absolutely no effort in the asana. In class that weekend I thought I was fully released in tadasana until Rodney told us to release our "crown" chakra. I realized in that split second I was indeed gripping.
Releasing frees the breath. I can feel it flowing freely throughout my body. Is the breath a reflection of the ease or does it create the release? Rodney said that the breath is the motion (release), the breath is the mindfulness. The power of pranayama is therefore awesome. Pranayama brings ease to the postures, releasing the mind to float on the vibrations of the universe. Postures become a meditation and meditation is a liberation.
As a novice yogi, I had heard people around me ooh-ing and aahing about how wonderful Om-ing felt and the wondrous feeling of inner peace it brought. Asanas were the work that was supposed to bring me to the point at which I could sit comfortably in meditation and reach a state of bliss. I didn't believe them. Further, I believed these states unreachable by mere mortals such as I. And that pranayama is simply a way to divert the mind from its incessant fluctuations and fool us into a peaceful state. I didn't feel that this was necessarily a bad thing. I was just trying to understand.
Asanas show us proper alignment so the mind can properly direct the body to achieve ease and steadiness in postures. But do we know how all of the body parts are affected by our thoughts? How do we know what is affected if we tense the pinkie toe? It may be that relaxing the toe may make that incessant headache disappear as if by magic.
Not knowing the interdependencies of this wondrous machine, our body, letting go is a way to begin, releasing the tension our brain causes. This allows the body to use its wisdom to move us properly into alignment. Releasing and aligning takes pressure off our organs. In turn, these organs are no longer forced to secrete hormones which keep us in a constant state of tension (alarm) or action. This release in turn allows us to release on a much deep level, preventing and healing disease and promoting mindfulness.
Having experienced center, the hardest part for me is not to gloat in it. The Buddha says that the cause of all suffering is attachment. Well, it appears he may be right. As soon as I say look what I can do, it is gone. The secret for me is to observe the posture and feel the floating. Once I own it, the rush is over. So one might ask, if one cannot revel in accomplishment, what point? I haven't answered that one yet.
The path of yoga is filled with incredible surprises. And I have only just begun that journey.